how to win friends = common decency

in forced awkward intimate situations, people tend to revert back to certain established and learned comfortable phrases to keep the conversation going. why we do this is something altogether confusing, considering if you're not even 30 seconds into the conversation and already can't think of something to say, babbling through the small talk that consists of pre-recorded questions and pre-recorded answers to those questions isn't going to get anybody anywhere.
ever heard this one before?

"hi i'm ____"
"my name is ____"
"so what do you do?"
"oh i'm a ____, you?"
"yeah i work in ____"
"cool"

and you're back to square one, the only thing we've established is how we pay our respective bills. following this little opener, we realize that we now actually have to try to get to know this person, and the conversation continues as if our opener had never happened in the first place, but for some reason we have to have that boring intro into our lives on the off chance you might have a similarity in job description or you know someone in their field, either of which would put you in exactly the same place you'd be anyway, having to actually converse.

while i realize this isn't exactly the circumstance under which normal interactions begin, i thought it noteworthy enough to mention. while accompanying my girlfriend to church this morning there was the typical 'take a minute to greet those around you' time period to kick things off. while most of the patrons were simply turning round in circles shaking hands with those next to, in front of, and behind them, i witnessed one woman walk across the aisle and 2 rows back to greet some friends sitting next to me. the interaction went as follows:

woman approaches with unnaturally large smile
shakes the hand of someone while telling them her name
upon hearing their first name, without waiting for a last name, immediately asking "what do you do?"
end of conversation

now i wouldn't have really thought twice about it if she hadn't done it to three people in a row, as if it were an interview or some sort of public survey. the manner in which the question was asked couldn't have been less personal, and the question itself isn't exactly heartwarming or eye opening. getting to know your fellow man, or woman in this case, isn't just about going through the motions. it takes effort, time, and a genuine willingness to learn. there is certainly, as this case holds to full example, a difference between allowing someone else to talk about themselves, and actually divulging no information about yourself and immediately moving on.

so if you plan on making the giant leap to actually interacting with strangers, as scary as it may be, please put in some effort.